I went to a wedding when I first came to Japan and was awed by the formality and attention to detail. I liked the mix of Western and Japanese influence and how everyone has a role to fulfill as the wedding progresses. But now that I've been here for a while and have a better idea of Japanese culture in general, I couldn't help thinking of all the social pressures that affect how weddings are run. Yuka's wedding was beautiful and dream-like, which you can tell from the pictures. So let me tell you about the annoying parts.
In Japan there's a strong tendency to compare yourself to those around you and weddings are no different. No one wants to be known as a cheapskate, so weddings are always planned by wedding companies that offer meticulously planned "ready-made weddings". This makes it easy because a company does it all for you, but makes weddings all look the same when they follow the pre-determined wedding schedule. This is especially true when everyone from your workplace has to get married through the particular wedding company that your workplace does business with. Everyone in Moritaka's company (Yuka's husband) gets married in the same chapel and has a banquet in the same banquet hall. They all know how much everything costs and can compare it to their own wedding, so Moritaka insisted on having the lobster side-dish because there was lobster at everyone else's wedding, and they had to have name cards and wedding announcements printed on paper that cost $2 per sheet, otherwise people at work would think he's being cheap.
In my opinion weddings are about the joining of two families and those families should be the most important part of the wedding. It's just the opposite in Japan where families show humility by sitting in the very back of the banquet hall and put company executives up front. The company executives give the wedding speeches and talk about the wedding couple, which is unfortunate in Yuka's case because the executives of her company come from a branch in another city, and they didn't know her. The president of her company talked about how their company has been prospering over the last few years and gave details about future business plans. He was glad that Yuka will continue to work even after getting married, and hopes that she continues to support their business. Whatever. I was super irritated that one of the executives at the table directly in front of the wedding couple was taking a cat nap.
Moritaka works in a big company and because so many workplace-related guests had to be invited, fewer spaces were left available for friends and family. The fortunate 8 of us that Yuka considers her closest friends sat at a table in the corner of the room by the door where the food trays came out of. I didn't mind. We had a good view of Yuka when she walked by to take her place at the honorary table. It was better than the table reserved for family.
After the banquet we headed out to Shelter bar where friends who couldn't be invited to the wedding could come and congratulate the newlyweds. Moritaka has cool friends. They were super loud and it felt more like a bachelor party than an after-wedding party.
Now I'm done complaining. The parts I like about Japanese weddings that are different from American ones:
1) The bride and groom change outfits several times throughout the banquet so they look different in all the pictures. I'm sure it's expensive but they look so nice :)
2) The parents of the wedding couple go around and individually thank each guest for coming. It's so polite.
3) There's so much delicious food and they give you a box to take home leftovers with you!
4) Each guest receives a present. Yuka must have read my mind because in my package there were two cakes and a nice piece of pottery from the village of Onta. I've always wanted something from there!
5) Friends of the wedding couple are given time to perform something during the banquet. We used the time to individually wish them the best on their new life, and Chino sang a song. The groom's friends got on stage and did a crazy song and dance then dragged him on stage and threw him in the air a few times before letting him escape back to his table.
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