I think I'm turning Japanese

So I've been living in Japan for almost 6 years now, and at first I had a lot of native English-speaking friends to hang out with. But people go back to their home countries, and I've made little effort to make more foreign friends. It was kind of a conscious decision; I wanted to make more Japanese friends and improve my Japanese. I guess it worked. I feel confident in my speaking ability and feel very comfortable hanging out in completely Japanese social circles. It's even gotten to the point where my daily thoughts and even my dreams are totally in Japanese.

But last night I discovered a downside to this.

I went out with some friends to a restaurant-bar, the kind where everyone sits on the floor in a long row and talks to the few people around them. Some friends of friends had brought a couple of American guys that had just moved to Japan and they ended up sitting near me. I had no idea how to talk to them. My English was stuttery, I didn't know how to carry on a normal conversation, and I felt awkward when they didn't give expected responses. I felt socially inept. Is it really that easy to forget how to act around people from my native culture? I've grown so used to reading social cues from Japanese people and these two Americans caught me off guard.

So I moved away from them and kept myself among a group of Japanese guys that I'd met once. It was relaxing. Entertaining. Non-confrontational. I could overhear the American guys talking about fraternities and trying to explain what they're all about. If there was a chance of me giving it another go at conversation with them, that turned me off. I moved even further from them and immersed myself in conversations that I used to find boring, but somehow came to love. What Chinese characters do you use to write your name? What foods do you like? What is it like growing up in the countryside?

Talking with the American guys made me feel uncomfortable, inadequate, on-edge. I didn't know how to read their facial expressions to tell me how to move forward with the conversation. Were they even interested in what I had to say? How do I know if they're listening if they don't encourage me to continue speaking with polite nods and questions? I didn't interact with them again for the rest of the night, until they stood up to leave and I waved goodbye.

But on a completely different note, I spent the night talking with a hot firefighter and was impressed with his taut biceps and chest muscles. He let me touch them.